Dear Alice
by mariescullen
Summary: New Moon AU: As a method of coping, Bella finds solace in writing letters to her best friend Alice. One shot. May continue if the want arises.


_September 16, 2005_

Dear Alice,

Where are you? Why didn't you say goodbye? I can't breathe.

 _Bella_

* * *

 _October 11, 2005_

Dear Alice,

I can't breathe.

It feels as though he took everything from me when he left. I am not sure how much you know, but maybe one day I will have the strength to tell you the whole story. What I can say now though is my heart is gone.

It no longer exists.

He no longer exists.

And when he left, he took everything with him. He took you with him.

You will never get these letters so I don't even know why I am even attempting something so worthless. Is it some type of tomfoolery to make me feel at ease? Perhaps something to ensure Charlie that I am not going insane? I would be lying if I said I wasn't losing my mind, Alice. Dad is threatening to send me away from Forks. I can't let that happen. Maybe this will ease something. I don't know what. I can't leave Forks. It's my only connection to him. To you. To Esme. To everyone.

There's a hole in me. And I can't fix it.

 _Bella_

* * *

 _December 23, 2005_

Dear Alice,

Nothing is working!

Every day I wake up and the pain is worse than the day before. My entire body aches, my soul aches. I'm not the same anymore. I can feel the shift with each morning. Would I be lying if I said I wanted it to just end?

It is Christmas time.

Do you celebrate Christmas? I imagine what a Cullen Christmas would entail often. Visions of Emmett and a tree the size of my house allow me to think of only what madness could occur from such a happening.

I feel bad for Charlie. It is our first Christmas together and I can't even pretend to smile. It's been months and I'm still dead inside.

My days have become a mass of melancholy madness.

And yet somehow, I can't hate him.

Merry Christmas Alice, wherever you may be.

 _Bella_

* * *

 _February 11th, 2006_

Dear Alice,

I am not sure how much you can see, but things are changing here. Can you still see me in your visions? Do you want to see me? I don't know what to write in this letter, other than to tell you I was attacked.

Laurent from the baseball field came back looking for me—I was hiking in the woods by myself and just so happen to stumble upon him. Typical Bella, right? I am fine—I am still very much alive. The blood runs in my veins as it should, but I don't know how much I can tell you. He was searching for me. Victoria, the mate of James, is after me. I don't have much to write, but I couldn't let you not know about this.

How much do you know about wolves?

Things are changing, Alice.

With love,

 _Bella_

* * *

 _February 28th, 2006_

Dear Alice,

Things are still changing.

We've gotten no words about the red-headed vampire.

My hole is getting smaller.

Thanks to a boy—you might know him. The heir of the Alpha in Quileute legends you may have heard—Ephraim's great grandson. His name is Jacob. He makes me feel again.

And you know what? For the first time since that day in the woods, I smiled.

I don't even know if you will read these letters—but if some God-given miracle of a way, you do, I want you to know I miss you. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you, or Jasper, or Carlisle, or Esme, or Emmett, even Rosalie.

I do think about your brother. I couldn't not if I tried with everything I have. He's a part of me and will be until the very end. You already know that.

 _Bella_

* * *

 _August 24, 2006_

Dear Alice,

I'm starting college today.

My grades slipped in the early part of the year, but I managed to get into Washington State's School of Engineering. Yeah, pick your jaw up off the ground. Me? Bella Swan getting a degree in Architectural Engineering?

My interest in design came from Jacob. We've spent countless hours in his garage rebuilding engines and creating drafts for potential projects. It is something that has made me smile again.

Are you in college? Or did you repeat high school? I don't know if I could handle that now that I think of it—four years was bad enough.

I miss you.

 _Bella_

* * *

 _September 16, 2006_

Dear Alice,

Jacob told me he loved me today.

And I think I love him too.

In whatever way, I can, anyway.

He is moving here to Seattle with me.

I hope you are well.

 _Bella_

* * *

 _March 8th, 2007_

Dear Alice,

Sorry, it has been a while since I have written you.

There is not much to write about these days, but I've gotten news of something.

I wanted you to be the first to know.

I'm having a baby.

I am afraid. I am happy. I am heartbroken.

I love Jacob—and I have no doubt that he will be an amazing father— but deep down, in my core, I wish it was his.

 _Isabella Swan_

* * *

 _August 13, 2007_

Dear Alice,

I got married today.

We decided it would be proper before welcoming our child into the world. Maybe we could do something right.

Angela Webber was my only bridesmaid—I didn't even have a maid of honor. Nobody could fill the spot. The only person I would ask isn't receiving letters it seems.

Nothing from the redheaded vampire.

 _Isabella Black_

* * *

 _November 25th, 2007_

To Alice:

 _ **Introducing Anthony Charles Black**_

 ** _Born: November 15_ _th_ _, 2007_**

 ** _Weight: 8lbs, 3oz_**

 ** _Height: 19 in._**

 ** _Welcomed by Isabella and Jacob Black._**

Will you be his Godmother?

 _Bella_

* * *

 _March 10, 2008_

Alice,

I've found solace in my son. For once since that day in the woods, I feel full. I feel happy. My heart swells with joy when I see him. He looks a lot like Charlie as a kid, but he has Jacob's dark hair and red skin.

He's beautiful.

Sincerely,

 _Bella Black_

* * *

 _August 25 2008_

Dear Alice,

Your kind has never brought me fright. Not until Victoria. There is talk amongst the tribe that something is coming—she is coming.

Jacob wants me to run.

Take Anthony and run.

I can't run Alice.

No matter who tries to stop it, you, me, Jacob, Edward—my world seems to be overlapping with yours.

Can it be undone?

Sincerely,

 _Bella Black_

* * *

 _September 1 2008_

Dear Alice,

Charlie is dead.

What's next?

 _Bella_

* * *

 _September 16, 2008_

Dear Alice,

This will be my last letter to you. There is going to be a fight. It seems Victoria has riled an army—of vampires. They aren't telling me everything. Jacob and the pack are ending this once and for all. I am dropping the box of letters on your old doorstep—though it may be years before you get them. Maybe someday you will want to remember.

I am sending Anthony to Renee in New York. Washington isn't safe for him.

Look after him.

I love you, Alice, I hope you know this.

Sincerely,

 _Isabella Black_


End file.
